Sylvia`s Crazy Lady Poems 的日志

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4月28日

Vague Childhood Memories

In answer too.....

VAGUE MEMORIES

Well I never, would you believe

This world with a steam radio hid up it`s sleeve

I have heard of some things

But nowt as strange as that

As I clear out my earhole as sat on the mat

But whatever it were we still had good fun

With old Jimmy Clitheroe out on the run

For pinching his dads bottle of beer

I remember it well he got a thick ear.

Oh the fun of past times that make us feel secure

As we nestled with families just after the war.

All gone now we live in a different place

All posh and so clean no dirt on our face

But the memories linger and our times now are lost

but to make way for modernity we must pay the cost

sylvia gray

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4月27日

Watch Out There`s A Gremlin About!

They think I`m here

They think I`m there

I Tell ya I am Everywhere!!

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4月26日

Cool Cat

Please Turn On Music Video

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As The Msn Butterfly Flutters By

Me on a bad day

MSN I`m coming with an up and loaded gun

And i`m gonna shoot that butterfly,

right up it`s silly bum.

It causes us more problems flitting here and there.

But gonna settle this once and for all

And my sentiments all do share.

It may look so appealling with it`s wings of red and blue,

But it`s out do your dirty work

Thats maddens us right through.

So better take from cyberland

and put it in the grass,

Or it will get a bullet

Right up it`s bloody a---

s gray

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4月24日

Smelly Bertha

Our Bertha

Ee` our Bertha is a luverly lass

and she is princess of `t` day

But when she gets up in `t` morning

She blows us all away

Its rather is quite funny

And we al`as laffin` still

But the smell it drives us crackers

Like a pig come art` `o` swill.

We stick noses darn our jumpers

and the fan is wafting round

But it all`s `jus`keeps a movin`

round, and, round, and round.

she needs a dose of liversalts

to clear `er system `art

But `ope she tells `t` family

So`s we are not abart.

eee` up she`s a coming

and `er bellies big and round

`cor `t` smell is `art `o` order

and `t` pong is quite profound

She smells wus` than a polecat

and a pig wi` out a snout

It`s time wi` got our bertha

an` chucked `t` bugger out.

s gray

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4月20日

Its Just Old Age

Its Just old age

__________

Now ladies and Gents please take a seat

and listen here to me,

Have you ever lost your glasses

and your flippin front door key?

Have you ever put something away

To hide it for safe keepin?

and buggered as where you put it

and everywhere ya peepin.

You turn the house all upside down

and you do a merry dance,

You walk for miles around the place

as from here to bloomin France.

and ya stop ta put the kettle on

`cos your breaking into sigh,

Then you turn for just a minute

and bloody thing`s boiled dry

Have ya ever made a Yorkshire pudding

and put it in ta cook

But cant smell the sweet aroma

so you go to have a look,

You find it in the freezer

accompanied by your purse

Then you are really getting senile

and we all must think the worst.

Please dont tell the doctor

Just carry on each day

`cos as sure as we are sitting here

we will all be dragged away

We gotta stick together

and musn`t fly in rage

It really is just natural

It`s really just old age.

sylvia gray

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4月19日

Great Entertainers

Gone But Not Forgotten

Jimmy Handley well that name rings a bell

Were he on the steam locamotion as well?

Didnt he have a lovely daughter called Jen

Who later ran Blue Peter her `sen

Well fat Billy Bunter he were a cad

Eat fit to bust that big belly he had

and Cardew the Cad was he there as well?

He created much storm as far as can tell

What about those Goons weren`t they daft

And sang silly songs and didnt we laugh.

Im walking backwards to Christmas

and

Yingtong Yingtong Yingtong Yingtong

Yingtong tiddle eye pooh

All these people bring back memories

But whats there to do?

We have travelled the road and came up this far

And because they are now gone

We must say ta ta.

sylvia gray

19:20 | 添加评论 | 固定链接 | 写入日志

Two Pixies

please turn on music and video Wink

TWO PIXIES

****

Two Pixies on a Christmas tree

Looked down and rather glum

"It`s boring hanging from this branch

It`s time we had some fun"

So they climbed up to the angel

Next to a silver bell

And proceeded with a chorus

From the carol called noel.

The robin red chirped up "be still"

"Can`t you pixies see

The little baby Jesus

Is asleep beneath the tree".

They looked at one another

And they gave a wicked smile

"We`re really gonna have some fun

For a little while"

So they started the cattle lowing

The baby did awake

They heard the wisemen shouting

"Oh for goodness sake!!!

The lambs they started bleating!

The sheep jumped from their fleece

The donkey brayed "We came in here"

To get some blooming peace".

Joseph jumped up quickly

And stepped on Mary`s toes

She yelled in shock and anger

and punched a wiseman on his nose

The wisemans nose was bleeding

But the ox was there at hand

He lifted the baby from his crib

and stole his swaddling bands.

The lights were flashing on and off

To show their anger too

And Rudolph chased ole Santa

And hit him with a shoe

The baby in the manger shouted with a sob

"Shut up you blooming heatherns!!!

Or I will have a word with God.

I shall only pass this way but once

I never will again

So take heed of what I say

Goodwill and peace to men

As things settled around the tree

With not a single sound to hear

The faery waved her magic wand

and wished the world a Happy New Year.

s gray

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4月18日

Dancing Lambada

http://dreamcatchersparadiso.spaces.live.com

23:04 | 添加评论 | 固定链接 | 写入日志

Dancing Lambada

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How Daft Is That?

How Daft Is That?

Hey Gladys can yer see me glasses

I had them a while ago?

I put the chuffers down for a sec

Because I had to go.

I left em on the table

next to the chuffin light

I bet they`re there

down side of chair

So I searched with all me might.

I pulled out some frilly britches

and a dilapitated bra

and a rather old piece of paper money

that brought memories from afar

I found a silver threepenny bit

And a florin of the past

and a couple of great big penny coins

yes they were made to last.

A tanner next was brought to sight

and a fag as stale as hell

and a packet of caps that didn`t explode

and a dead spider that made me yell

I stumbled on so many things

in my treasure chest that day

I spent 4 hours a searching

and couldn`t pull away.

Gladys said dad `you are a mad un`

and yer brain it must be dead

`cos those glasses you were looking for

Are sittin on yer head

but so glad I lost them for a while

and memories came to pass

and me glasses sat upon me head

I` feel a right silly arse

Now I`ve a scab on back of hand

And my fingers swollen and fat

All because I lost me glasses

Tell me `How Daft is That`?

sylvia gray

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4月14日

Give Me Peace

Give me Peace

~~~~~~~

http://dreamcatchersparadiso.spaces.live.com

I was taking a stroll without me Master

Not clapped up in lead and chains

Then a noise it drove me crackers

And it nearly blew me brains.

Hey You!!! I started barking

"Give me a peaceful stroll"!!

I started out all happy

Now I`m feeling kinda droll".

Noisy bugger! `nuff to wake the dead

Get real and give us a break

And let me walk in peace dear man

and Calm for goodness sake.

And as I walked away from him

as he stopped to voice defend

I said "and peeece on you sir"

My noisy human friend.

©copyright

sylvia gray

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The Lovely Haze Of Summer Days

The Lovely Haze of Summer Days

___________

What is this thing with summer

That people think so nice,

Why dont they forget the birds and bees

We always pay the price.....

With crying kids that fight all day

and barking bloody dogs

And people lighting bonfires

There most unrespectful sods

Me washing hanging on the line

All bleached and looking fine

Then up blows smoke like Indians....

They do it all the time

And Old Joe blogs who lives next door

Who I really think is queer

He loves to shout so at his wife

Because he dont have no beer.....

And all the cats that walk the streets

In my garden park their arse

And doing what comes naturally

Just when I want to mow the grass.

And bloody workman shifting gravel

to make there driveway nice

I told them to skidaddle

Because the noise is deafening and aint nice.

And what about those ice cream vans

That tinkle all the day with lots of

Screaming children following in its way.

And lawnmowers grinding up the grass

And drills that make you cringe

Like scraping chalk on old blackboard

Our peaceful rights infringe...

I think I`ll shut my windows

as smoke is is coming in

And start dreaming of those cosy nights

That only winter can bring....

sylvia gray

http://dreamcatchersparadiso.spaces.live.com

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4月13日

Me Ded Ed

http://dreamcatchersparadiso.spaces.live.com

Me Dead `ead

________________

eeeeeee lads und lasses it`s great `t be back

I was sleepin like forever and forgot the blooming knack

What ever it were it n`er killed me

Might as well been dead

Nothing much was working not even in me head

But the doc he came and put me right

`t tablets are jus` fine

I thought I caught this avian flu

but no wings could i find

But me leg was dead and my feet were too

And doc took one look and said what are we to do.

Now I`m flying high and strong

`t tablts are just fine

I am on the way `t fitness now

And am feeling back in line.

sylvia gray

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4月12日

Bertha`s Last Word

Bertha`s Last Word

________

I really think you`re brave son

Living on the streets

With tramps a druggy vagabonds

stealing boots from off ya feet.

And pinching bag from under head

Is really is a shame

But you chose to wonder far and wide

Only got ya self to blame.

I bet ya heads all clogged with lice

and you smell just like a skunk

You beg just like a hungry dog

and your head is always drunk

So if the sally army has offered you a bed

I think tomorrow morning

They gonna wake up dead.

Ya feet are caked with dead skin

`cos you suffer athletes foot

And still ya chew your toe nails

and ya teeth are black like soot

And ya clothes are from the ragbag

that the people all discard

And yes the life that you are living

must be very hard

Just get off in the shower and wash ya body down

and get rid of all those nits and things

Or your mates wont stay around

They dont wanna cage a polecat that stinks of

body grime

And I am glad you have chose the high life

Rather yours than mine!

So I`m glad your feeling happy

At the life that you have chose

I bet your muggin old folk

To keep living I suppose

But goodbye son I say to you

Dont forget to peel ya feet

My home is so much fresher now

That you live on the street.

sylvia gray

17:49 | 添加评论 | 固定链接 | 写入日志

4月11日

Carumba!

Carumbbbbbba!!!

(working on the lancashire dialect)

I went into `t `ospital

`t have a bum boil drained

but`t nurses in `t `ospital

They are a tad deranged

`tis a bit like running marathon

quite easy `jus for sum

But `t nurses keep a chasing me

`T stick needle up me bum.

I told `er I`m no pin cushion

`tis `er who`s wasting time

`er chased me round `t`bloody wards

`till i nearly lost me mind

I said thee will not catch me

So I slipped `er double quick

`Er must think that I were born las` week

`t pull that kind of trick.

I `id in cleaning cupboard

and put `t bucket on me `ed

I`wud rather suffocate me sel`

I would rather end up dead.

All went silent for a while

So I made me get away

`er came running `round `t` corner

So I ran `t other way

er caught me with me kegs down

in `t lavvy in `t gents

and I swear she bent`t needle

`cos `t pain was so immense

Now `t other one is painful

and `t nurse I `cud not foil

I `ave two that look identical

For `that nasty nurse `t spoil.

s gray

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4月9日

Ode To Terry

ODE to Terry Wogan

a pam ayers sound alike poem

_______________________

I like Terry Wogan and always have

Right from the program "lets fight the flab".

Remember those days when he was flat on the floor

When his fat was high and his fitness was poor

Laugh? I laughed till I dropped

As he cracked each joke and never stopped

My belly muscles they really got tight

With laughing so much as the flab I did fight.

Could do it in those days when Terry was around

But its getting so much harder, now older I found

But his eyes have a sparkle it`s the Irish in him

If he wasn`t married he ould give me a spin

Oh I stand up to Terry with his so Irish charms

While he was doing his press ups and swinging his arms

He got us all thin when workouts he did

Better than going to gym and it saved a few quid

Oh Terry my love what happened to you

To much booze and too much Irish stew

But the sparkley eyes they stay just the same

Lets all get back to the slimming game.

With you on the floor, what a grand ole site

As you flexed your muscles, to get them all right

I have tried Mr Hitleman for yoga thats true

But shall never forget the unforgettable you.

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Dancing The Lambada

Harry`s Little Dog

________________

Harry`s got a little dog

It`s coat is black and brown

It has roly poly wrinkles

on it`s face that looks like frowns

It`s eyes are like a bloodhounds

and it resembles little Pug

To require such an ugly doggie

Makes my shoulders want to shrug.

His name they say is Enoch

he leaves a doggy trail

As his body`s like a sausage

and he has a funny tail.

Now Enoch was out walkies

with Harry on a lead

And he spotted a big red letterbox

and cocked his leg and peed

Now screams were heard and Enoch jumped

As a woman in red appeared

and kicked young Enoch up the rump

and then she disappeared.

The moral of this story is one I shall not tell

but dont dress like a letterbox

or you`ll get wet as well.

sylvia gray

1:48 | 添加评论 | 固定链接 | 写入日志

4月8日

Jock The Cock

JOCK the COCK

~~~~~~~

I is running to get away from them

The farmer and his wife

They want to stuff me full of things

So I is running for me life!!!

They made me bed up in the oven

Just to keep me warm.

They think I is a cocky bird

And I is daft since I been born

But this old cock is clever

His IQ is quite high

I know this farmer and his wife

Wanna put me in a pie.

So they will have to try a catch me

As I will run them ragged till nearly dead

Why dont they just stop chasing me

And eat the dog instead.?

©copyright

sylvia gray

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Lavender Cats Ball

The Lavender Cats Ball

--------------

The Gals at angry oldies

went out to have a meet,

The night was passing beautiful

As the ring was made complete.

They chuckled oh so merrily

They laughed until they dropped

Their laughter rang around the town

And it never bloody stopped.

The cops were called and set the scene

5 drunks were taken in

The women swore at the coppers

and said our patience is wearing thin.

Just let us girls have some fun

And please leave us alone

Go out and chase the robbers

`cos we aint going home.!

The coppers looked and thought awhile

while scratching at their head

We`ll let you old age pensioners go

If you promise to go bed

Not on your Nelly Magsy said

What do you take us for?

And up stepped Bet with smile on face

As she sauntered through the door.

"What `ave we `ere"? the copper said

As she was dressed in feather boah

Said Jessie on a cheerful note

"Do you wanna see some more?"

In walks Vee with devil look

Dressed in soft black leather

with long black boots and menacing whip

You could have knocked `em over with a feather.

And Sylvi laughed to see their face

And couldn`t hold it anymore

She had to let her draws down

And she p***** upon the floor.

Such hearty fun the ladies had

That they all fell in a heap

In the the place where all the coppers were

They all fell fast asleep.

So quietness dawned for just a while

And peace fell on the men

Until the cock was crowing

Then they all started up again.

@ sylvia gray

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